PACKING THE TANDEM (A Melodrama in Four Acts)
Cast of Characters:
Roger – a savvy cycle
technician in late middle age, afflicted with ADHD.
Kathy – his nervous
but ultimately supportive wife, in her mid-fifties and occasionally prone to
bouts of OCD.
Setting:
A patio in Southern California
Props:
* 3 mm Allen wrench
* 4 mm Allen wrench
* 5 mm Allen wrench
8 mm Allen wrench
Rubber mallet
* CCP-4 Crank
extractor (to be tightened with a crescent wrench)
* Needle nose pliers
8 inch adjustable crescent wrench
8 mm open end wrench
Bike tool
10 mm box wrench
* Cable clipper
Spare derailleur cable
Spare brake cable
Spare skewer
* Drop cloth
* Rags
Chain oil and
grease? (for bolts and couplings)
Plastic ties
Plastic tape
Tennis balls
Ziploc bags (one
for the linking chain; one for other small parts)
The special
coupling tool
(Starred items to be left with packing materials when the
trip begins)
ACT I, SCENE 1: In which all the extra bits are removed from
the frame
The scene opens with Kathy
spreading a drop cloth under the bike stand.
Roger impatiently begins to disassemble the bike while Kathy collects
all the tiny screws, washers and other findings as Roger removes them from the
bike.
The two bicker
good-naturedly throughout the scene.
Roger starts the act by placing the bike into a stand using
the front seat post, and cleaning the chains.
He then goes through the following actions, Kathy assisting as noted:
1. Remove pedals
(Kathy captures the washers).
2. Remove the racks.
3. Remove the water bottle cages and give to Kathy for wrapping.
4. Unhook and remove the tool kit.
5. Remove wheels. (Kathy removes the skewers, places plastic
end pieces into wheels and sets them aside.
Skewers go with the other little bits.)
Use rubber mallet to position axle replacements in the drop-outs.
6. Remove the linking chain and place in Ziploc
bag. Remove the cranks. Use the crescent wrench to tighten the crank
extractor. Give to Kathy to wrap in
bubble wrap.
ACT I, SCENE 2: In
which the cables and derailleur are removed
Roger:
1. Unscrew the rear brake cable (running under
the top tube) by using the 8 mm wrench and crescent wrench in opposition. Remove from guides. Coil cable loosely and secure with tie or
tape. Take care not to kink the cables.
2. Remove the speed sensor from front fork. (Kathy wraps and places with other small
parts.)
3. Unscrew the two derailleur cables beneath the
bottom tube. Remove from guides. Coil each loosely and secure with tape or
ties. Note: The right cable controls the rear derailleur
(for the cluster) and the left controls the front derailleur.
4. Remove the derailleur using the 5 mm Allen
wrench (hold it up while unscrewing it) and then wrap it in bubble wrap. Position the derailleur in the open space
between the chain stays and secure with tape.
5. Wrap the chain stay with the appropriate
pieces of black wrap.
6. Remove the cable adjusters from the frame and
pad them with wrap.
The act ends with
pieces of the bike scattered about the room, but all smallish pieces securely
captured by Kathy. Roger and Kathy exit
stage right.
ACT II: In which the balance of the bike is
disassembled
Roger and Kathy return to work after a short break to have lunch. Roger begins the final breakdown:
1. Remove cap from
headset and hand to Kathy.
2. Remove
handlebars. Remove three spacers in
stem and hand to Kathy.
3. Use rubber mallet to remove the steerer out
of the headset (to remove the fork). Roger
swears, “THIS IS DAMN HARD!” Kathy
offers encouragement and wraps the headset with bubble wrap to protect it once
it’s off the bike.
4. Replace spacers on fork steerer.
5. Replace stem cap on stem.
6. Remove rear seat.
7. Release the couplers. Carefully separate the three sections of the
bike frame. Place the tennis balls over
the threaded ends of the open tubes.
8. Release the last portion of the frame from
the bike stand.
9. Remove front seat post. Confirm position mark for rear
handlebars. Remove rear handlebars from
seat post.
The action continues
uninterrupted with Act III. Kathy starts
by opening the bike boxes and removing all the remaining packing materials,
sorting them by type.
ACT III:
In which all the pieces get wrapped for protection
Kathy and Roger:
1. Tuck the rear brake cable into the down tube
and tape securely to avoid kinking the cable.
2. Place the appropriate piece of black shield
cloth on each portion of the frame, and secure with the velcro closing, tape or
ties.
3. Let the air out of the tires.
4. Assemble other gear that will be packed with
the bike: helmets and panniers.
Kathy and Roger argue
briefly about the placement of the foam rubber mats, and agree to try using
them between each layer of the bike. The
act ends with both parties in good spirits as they exit stage right for intermission.
ACT IV:
In which the bike’s parts are packed into the boxes
Roger and Kathy return
to the stage with sodas in hand, following a short break. Kathy is also carrying a set of instructions
and photographs showing the position of the bike pieces in the boxes during a
prior packing exercise.
Roger and Kathy fill the first box with the bike pieces in
the following order, using the photos as a guide to placement:
1. Bicycle middle section
2. Front section, with fork and handlebars
3. Rear section of bike
4. Kathy’s seat
5. Roger’s seat
6. Kathy’s handlebars
The second box
is filled with the wheels, helmets and other accessories:
1. Position the front tire in the box.
2. Add padding and other items.
3. Position rear tire with cassette facing down.
4. Wrap tools and place in box, taping to the
lid to secure them.
5. Fold drop cloth and place in box with rags
and other props.
Kathy and Roger add additional padding to the top of each
box and test them for closure, using ties, tape or additional padding or bubble
wrap where necessary to secure the parts.
Kathy tapes packets of small parts to the roof of the
boxes. Just before closing the boxes,
she places re-assembly instructions and photos in the box and writes their name
and address on the roof of each box in black marker.
Kathy and Roger exit
stage left to the hot tub to relax and enjoy a well-deserved beer!
THE END